Kids, wake up! Oh, my gosh! I overslept! Guys!
I overslept! If I ever meet the guy that invented the snooze alarm,
i'm gonna slap him in the face every 5 minutes.
Come on, you guys. Come on, hurry up! We don't want to keep your mother waiting.
So. So, that, concludes our
drill on what to do in case we ever oversleep. So...
Just go back into your rooms and put your school clothes on.
Don't keep your mother waiting. That's good. Come on, guys.
You know, dad, I'm tired of being woken up like a fireman,
without the thrill of the job.
Come on, We'll be out of here in 5 min. I'll pop in some toaster waffles.
- Don't make a big thing about it, OK? - Don't make a big thing about it?
Why are you suddenly acting like the woman I wish I'd married?
We'd better not be late. I'm the tardy officer. How would that look?
Hey, why don't you set your alarm, Louise?
And then you can wake me up every day.
For the same reason I'm not going to give myself away at my wedding:
because it's not my job.
Hey, Tom, honey, don't forget to bring some nice clothes tonight.
I can't believe you're still making me do that, mom.
Do what?
Mom told the new neighbors I would ask their friendless
- daughter to the school dance tonight. - Come on, Tommy, be nice.
Be nice. They just moved in. It wouldn't hurt you to introduce Marjorie
to the people she'll be going to school with.
Fine. But we are officially even.
After this, I don't ever want to hear about how my big head ruined your body.
What's going on around here?
I mean, you're being nice, you're cleaning up for no reason.
What's, my gosh, the doctor called, I have cancer.
Is it in my head or in my butt?
Can't I just be nice and easygoing for no reason?
Based on my 15 years of research, no.
Don't run the dishwasher. It's broken. What's going on with you?
Walter and I may 16.
- That's great! Allison, that's great! - I know. Isn't it? I'm getting married.
No more Allison money! No more alimony?
Hey, maybe that's where they got the word "alimony" from.
- Allison money. Alimony. - What?
- Allison money. Alimony. - It is exciting though. I mean, really.
I feel like I finally know where my life is headed.
I feel like I just passed a 120-pound Kidney Stone that says she's 110.
You know, I wonder what it's gonna be like to be married
to a man who doesn't smell his q-tips after he uses them.
- Come on, Louise! You guys ready? - Yep! Let's go!
I got to get going. I have to be in long beach by 9:00.
What a happy day.
Remember in "the wizard of oz" when the movie went from black and white
to technicolor?
I don't know how they did that.
- I am so sorry. - "Don't start the dishwasher."
There's really only one way to screw up those instructions.
-= 113 =- " Gary Moves Back In "
¤Aka & YaYa¤
Subs-Addicts"
I am so sorry, Gary. What. What is this?
Well, remember my dad gave me that newspaper when man landed on the moon
and you told me it would never be worth anything? Well, now you're right.
- So, how bad was it? - How bad was it?
Are you kidding me?
The water ran for 7 straight hours.
Every floorboard buckled. The neighbors gathered around the house.
They thought the house was weeping and it was a miracle from god!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Gary. I am so sorry.
Stop saying you're sorry. You sound like me when we were married.
You sure you want me to stay here? Well... tch!
I don't want you to stay here, but after what I did,
I can't make you go to a hotel, because you...
- You'll hold that over my head forever. - Forever.
Right, so... I... i got you,
some beer. And I'm gonna make you a steak.
And I insist that you stay in the master bedroom.
Oh, my old bedroom. Great, you know. That'll be like...
It'll be like when they show a prisoner the cell he lived in for 15 years.
- Hey, dad. - Hi, sweetheart.
Louise, honey? Your dad is gonna be staying with us for a couple days.
And I don't want it to be confusing, but...
Your father and I are not getting back together, OK? In a few days,
everything'll go back to the way it was before, but, you know, not "before" when
we were married "before," before the flood "before."
I wasn't confused until you tried to explain it that way.
Yeah. I'm with Louise. I'm... We're not back together, right?
Right. Yeah.
Hey, son, when you leaving for the big dance?
As soon as Cowzilla rips the roof off and plucks me out.
That's a lousy attitude Tommy. You don't even know what this girl looks like.
Yeah I know, but it's just not fair, dad. Mom should have asked me first.
What's the big deal? You take her to the dance,
you stiff-arm her through a couple of numbers, you
let her graze over the buffet and fill her 4 stomachs, and you bring her home.
- She's here. She's here! - How bad is it?
OK. Look. Try not to stare.
- Hi, Marjorie. How are you? - Nice to meet you, mr. Brooks.
It's nice to meet you. Come on in, OK?
I'm gonna say something now.
That may have been it.
Hi, Marjorie. Look at you. You look so pretty. I love that dress.
Isn't that a pretty dress, Tom?
You know, thanks for doing this, Tom.
Total drag taking out the new girl, right?
Hey, at one time or another, we've all been the new girl.
You know what? Honey, hair is starting to fall in the back. Let me help you.
Let me. Let me talk to you. Tom, Let's go. Come on.
- Are you OK? - No, I'm not OK.
My heart's beating so fast, my tie is moving.
All right, look. OK. Here's some money. OK?
OK. Do I give it to her now or when we come home?
That's for snacks at the dance.
Sorry. I'm just... just a little nervous, you know?
It's a pocket. OK. You all right?
Let me help calm your fears a little here, OK?
You don't have to change the oil in your car every 3,000 miles.
It's OK to do it every 5,000 miles. That's fine.
What does that have to do with my date?
Nothing. I'm just trying to get your head out of it, OK? Let's go.
Hey, Tom, come on. Marjorie's mom's waiting.
Nice to see you, mrs. Brooks. Nice to meet you, mr. Brooks.
Let's go, Tom.
I just want to let you know that I am completely unprepared for this
and I blame both of you.
Are you aware that Tom just left the house with a grown woman?
She's 15, Walter.
Was she sent from some Island to protect mankind?
She and her family just moved here from iowa.
Of course. Corn.
Congratulations taking over the reins of team Allison.
Yeah. I hope you do a better job with the franchise than I ever did? Come on!
Can we just settle for a high-five, whatever it is your people do?
I brought over the cds of the potential wedding bands you asked for.
We got Dixieland, Disco...
I even threw in some Country-Western for the Texas Krandalls.
The texas Krandalls. So when they say, "rember the alamo,"
you do.
Very funny, Gary.
I rember that joke fondly the next time I'm lying on top of your former wife.
I'm gonna go put my bag in your room, OK, Allison?
Wait a minute. Why is he going to your bedroom?
I flooded his house. The least I can do is
put him up for a couple days and let him sleep in the master bedroom.
- And you'll be sleeping... - In the guest bedroom.
Walter, wait a minute. You're not jealous, are you?
Of Gary?
How long is he gonna be staying?
Allison. I forgot to tell you, I might have exaggerated
a little bit with this girl that works down at the coffee shop.
So if the phone rings, please answer, "senator Brooks'office."
Two days, tops.
So, I'll see you tomorrow at school?
Promise me you're gonna have lunch with me. I don't want to eat by myself.
Tomorrow's meatloaf day, so I'll bring a Beaujolais.
- Dad! Dad! - Hey, son, how are you?
Well, I think it's safe to say that I'm in really over my head here.
Why, what happened?
I don't know if you've noticed or not, but Marjorie's kind of hot.
The law doesn't really let me have this conversation with you, but...
I understand the words you're saying.
I mean, we were the center of attention all night,
and people were staring and snapping pictures.
And then the coach slapped on the shoulder and told me
he can use someone like me on defense.
I'm starting next week, and I don't even know what sport I'm playing.
All right. Calm down.
When you're with a girl like Marjorie, you're gonna draw a lot of attention?
All right. It's like driving a Ferrari?
When you're next to something that's sleek and beautiful.
Again, I have to go with the car metaphor for legal purposes.
People are gonna notice, you know?
I don't think I can handle that.
You know, I'm an under-the-radar kind of guy.
Didn't a part of you tonight like that attention?
Come on. Let me hear it. You liked it.
Yes. OK? I loved it. I felt like a god!
You felt like a god! Yes! All right!
Now go upstairs and put on your pajamas and get ready for bed.
And tomorrow, you sit with her at lunchtime,
and you're gonna be the coolest guy in school.
You know, I'm finally cooler than Randy Wilcox.
And he brought his own son to health class.
Hey, Roomie. You know I forgot how much I loved living here?
Gary, did you shave in the kitchen sink a while ago?
Yes, I did. Don't worry, though. It was mostly my face.
What are you doing?
I'm planning a wedding, Gary, and I'm on hold with a realtor.
I'm thinking about selling the house once I move in with Walter.
It's Allison Brooks. I spoke with you last week. I have this wonder...
Yeah, and we saw your ad on the bus bench. Very nice smile.
- You can't sell our house. - No, but I can sell my house.
No. In this economy? You'd be crazy. Let me rent it from you.
OK. What?
You don't want to uproot the kids. They live in the house.
They have all these great memories here.
Think of all the dead pets buried in the backyard.
You know? Some family comes in,
they want to put in a pool, they start digging. Next thing you know, there's
a hamster with a badge asking a lot of questions.
I... i don't know. I mean, Gary, I would be your landlord.
Yes, you would. You'd be my landlord, and if I fell behind on the rent,
you could just throw me out in the dead of winter.
- You would love that. - I would love that.
It's perfect! So? So?
OK. Yeah, you can rent my house.
Jessica, i'm back!
You named our house "Jessica"?
When you're in prison, you get lonely, Allison. You start to name stuff.
This is perfect. It's just like old times. Except good.
Allison, your llama got loose.
What are you doing out there?
When I was here earlier, I think I left my keys.
Yeah, there they are, right where I left them.
So, what are you two doing?
Well, I am planning a wedding, Gary is bothering me,
and you're obviously here because you're jealous.
All right, so what if I am? I think it's inappropriate that Gary is staying here.
There are hotels and hostels. I could even make room at my place.
There's a pull-out couch in the train room.
You know, Walter, I don't like this side of you.
We're getting married, and then you don't even trust me?
- I mean, what does that say about us? - Wait a min, you two. Knock it off
OK? Let's just slow things down for a second here.
Krandall has a train room?
But I know what this is. It's just pre-wedding jitters, OK?
Let's not lose sight of what's important here, OK?
And that is me moving out of my dump and moving back here, OK?
Walter, you know how I feel about Gary.
I mean, I would not sleep with Gary if it would save his life.
Which, by the way,
I think that was the way he tricked me into doing it the first time.
All I said was, I didn't know how much time I had left.
- And in all fairness, do any of us? - Yeah. Well...
if I was planning on sleeping with Gary,
I would express my disgust as vigorously as you just did.
Oh, my god. I can't believe you are acting so irrational.
I can't deal with this right now.
I'm gonna run a bath, take a sleeping pill, and go to bed.
If we wind up sleeping together, you should know
I'm a man that likes to be held.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
Mango.
Bear claw?
Walter, what... What are you doing here?
I came over with a box of apology bear claws.
The question is, what are you two doing here?
Yeah. Gary, what are you doing here?
You told me to sleep in here! What are you doing here?
I don't know. I took a sleeping pill.
I just I must have, you know, stumbled in here by accident.
- Why were you spooning me? - Why were you backing up into me?
Hey. You know what? When you get spooned, you back in.
That's the way I was raised.
And to think you accused me of being overly jealous.
What, were you just... You just walked into my house?
- You're in bed with another man. - Please. It's not a man. It's Gary.
Exactly!
She's right, Krandall. Nothing happened. It was just like when we were married.
Mom, where...
- What is everybody doing in here? - Bear claw, Louise?
- Can i, mom? - Yeah, grab one for your brother.
Thank you, dr. Krandall. Our ride to school is here.
Have a great day.
Tommy, I have no clue what's going on in here, but we get sugar for breakfast!
Remember, honey, family stuff is private!
Look. Walter, I know what this must look like, but you have to believe us.
This was an accident.
I know exactly what it looks like, and it was no accident.
Wait a minute. Don't throw away your marriage
with Allison. And most importantly,
you're gonna blow my shot at getting back together with Jessica.
- Who is Jessica? - It's the name he calls the house.
It's a prison thing.
I'm sorry to disappoint you and Jessica, but there isn't gonna be a wedding.
Allison clearly isn't ready to be my wife.
Walter, wait a minute! You can't leave like this!
I believe I can, and I will!
My god, walter fell down the stairs!
Jessica, what have you done?
Walter, are you all right?
No, I'm fine. I've never been good at storming out.
I have small feet and a high center of gravity.
Excellent save on the bear claws, Krandall.
Here, let me. Let me help you up.
No, leave me alone. I'm gonna sit here and say my piece.
OK. Look. Walter, why would you say I don't want to get married?
Because every one of your actions, starting with flooding Gary's house,
is explainable on a subconscious level. May I elaborate?
No. I don't think it's good to elaborate after a fall.
Gary, come on. Walter, go on.
Gary told you not to run the dishwasher, yet you did,
knowing it would flood his house and he'd need a place to stay.
You're saying I did all this deliberately just
so I could get him over here and get into bed with him?
- Exactly. - You're wrong.
The only reason Allison flooded my house is because she lives
to make my life miserable, and the only reason i'm here
is so she can make my life miserable and save on gas.
No. Walter's right. I did this all subconsciously knowing that Walter
was so jealous that if he caught us in bed together, he would
call off the wedding. God, it was all so deliberate.
Right down to the sleeping pills.
What is this, an old episode of "quincy"?
You can say it, Mango. You're not ready to get married.
No. No, don't say it, Mango.
- Don't say it. - No, he's right.
I don't want to get married.
Sure, you do! Yes, you do! Look how handsome this guy is.
You love him, he loves you, and he's just.
He's two titanium hips away from walking down the aisle.
It's like our whole relationship was just a reaction
to my marriage with Gary, wasn't it?
Kiss her, Krandall. Kiss your woman.
Walter, you are a loving
and kind man, but I cannot marry you just because you're, like,
the complete opposite of Gary.
I understand, Mango.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't heartbroken.
But I'm gonna let you go, and I'm gonna do it with dignity.
Starting now.
Cranberry, I'm gonna get you some ice.
Gary, would you help this wonderful, sweet man to the sofa?
- Man, I can't believe it. - No, I'm afraid she's gone, Gary.
This is where they've been sending my "sports illustrated."
The baseball cards are done.
Well, let's see them. Let's see them. What have we got? Harmon killebrew.
He's hot.
For what it's worth, you know,
i'm sorry you couldn't move back into your old place. But, hey,
at least Allison didn't marry a guy she wasn't in love with?
You see my crockpot? It's over there.
Hey, dad. Hey, Dennis.
Your dad tells me you're driving a Ferrari.
- I was driving a Ferrari. Was. - What do you mean, was?
We were sitting outside the lunchroom, and
I went inside to grab some milk, and... she's gone.
Couldn't have been more than 30 seconds.
Whoever took her must have known what he was doing.
You know, I never had to worry about that with my old girlfriend.
I could leave Danielle anywhere.
You could leave my wife on the front lawn with her robe open,
no one would take her.
Look. Son, it's better to have driven a Ferrari
and lost than to have never driven a Ferrari.
It's Danielle. Looks like I'm back to riding the bus.
Team Subs-Addicts"